I am happier when I blog and set goals and stay on task. The last couple of months I have not wanted to share, or put my thoughts or goals or musings out there. A lot has to do with the blowup over the summer last year -- and I have meditated on that and mentally dissected it way more than it warranted. I have come to the conclusion that I need to be me. An honest, open, me. If people get upset by what I write, I will have to deal with that. But I am not going to censor myself because I am afraid other people are too delicate to handle what I have to say.
I am not a mean or vindictive person. And I would never write something about someone that I would not say in person; moreover, this blog is not a gossip blog and it is not about other people, nor is it, nor will it ever be, a place for me to vent about other people. It is about me. It is from my perspective and it is an analysis of the way I handle my training, my tourney bouts, my mental preparation, and the hurdles that inevitably come up related to those issues. This blog and everything I write in it, is about me -- not you and not your friends. Not any of you. Really. Seriously. That is not who I am. If you think I am attacking you, I'm not. That is not who I am.
If you feel the need to spread rumor and innuendo related to my self-reflections in this blog, you do not get what this is about and I will probably excise you from my life. That IS who I am. That being said, I am going to blog again -- about me, self-reflection, self-analysis, and probably some deep shit sometimes. And I refuse to censor myself.
1. I am going to win a tourney this year, maybe two or three. For too long I have had the attitude that I don't care. Or the tourney is small and it is not fair to enter unless I really want to be champion or whatever, or because I helped organize the tourney I should not win. No more. When I enter a tourney, I am in it to win it. Unless I change my attitude in this regard, I am never going to be able to mentally practice, in a tourney setting, for winning Crown -- the one tourney I am always in to win. I need to practice, in real tournies (not just Crown), always bringing my best fight, and wanting to do my best and focusing on doing my best. That is the only way I am going to have that focus in Crown on a consistent basis. And lets be honest -- my focus is not going to be on winning the tourney -- any of the tournies -- it is going to be on bringing -- mentally, physically, emotionally, and skill-wise -- my best fight every round no matter what. If I lose, but I brought my best, most focused, most dynamic fight, I still have reached my victory condition. Winning, for the sake of winning, is not me.
2. Kit. I have a kickass helmet. Its gorgeous. I need to finish my fighting pants, make a new fighting tunic, and put together my new fighting boots, so that the rest of my kit does not make my helmet look like an anomaly. The deadline for doing this is the end of April. I also want to reshape my heater, so it looks more like a mini-kite, or a larger version of Mari's shield or put a fake center boss on a rectangle, so it looks more period appropriate. This will be a project that I work on with Dave. The new shield might need to wait until after September Crown becaue I do not want to change my kit mid-summer. We'll see. I need to finish my banner, it is almost half-way done, I just need to fancify it -- needs to be done before May Crown.
3. Health/ Fitness. I'm turning 40 this year. Realistically, I probably, if I'm lucky, have ten years to win the two crowns I want to win. That sounds like a lot of time, but it isn't. I need to get my body in peak condition. To that end, I need to really buckle down on the no simple carb way of eating -- that means eliminating sugar and grains completely. No more snacking off plan. I will lose 50 lbs. this year. Exercise -- I will engage in cardio 6 x week; mental workout 6x week; yoga 4-5 x week; pell work daily; drills 2x week; and armored full speed fighting 2x week. I will enter a 5K walk race once a month. I will enter at least 3 long distance open water swims -- probably .5 to 1 mile distances. I will go to the chiropractor for an adjustment and massage twice a month. I will stretch daily.
4. Skill development. 6 times this year, I will either travel to, or bring in, a fighting instructor and attend a workshop. I will do video analysis of myself and others 2-3 times a week. I will e-mail with my mentors more for feedback -- at least once a month. I will read through the fighting books on my reading list, at least one every two months. When I am sewing, at least once a week, I will watch a training video instead of brain candy.
This looks like a long list, but it is all doable. I need to stay focused, motivated, and inspired. And when I'm working hard that is easier to do.